When some people fall in love, they think that only “Khosro and Shirin” and “Lili and Majnoon” are the only ones who know, they don’t listen to anyone’s words and they don’t use their logic. Even when they get married and a problem occurs to them, they think that they are the only reason in the world, and their ears do not owe any advice, and they do not believe in advice at all. If we look at the state of marriage in the country and of course the divorce statistics, then you will notice the negative results of all these mind games. Let’s remember that in many cases, “falling in love, marrying properly, and maintaining and strengthening the common life” only requires a few simple skills and a little “patience” that most of us proudly believe that we have both skills and patience! However, when it comes to the common life and its problems, it turns out that we do not have the skills to maintain our common life. “Bob Ross or our Bob!” In a rational and logical way to romantically pass through the dangerous and sharp curves of life…
The third generation editorial
Do not get married for 3 reasons
Be aware that you should not rush to get married and do not try too hard, and do not agree to get married for some ridiculous reasons.
war with family; One of the most common negative reasons for getting married is conflict and disagreement with parents. In most cases, rebellion and defiance against domineering parents or rebellion against a troubled family may be considered logical reasons for a young person to marry, which is wrong; Marriage is not an escape from a house to a forest!
I want to be independent: There is a subtle similarity between the need to escape or rebel and the need to be independent. Independence from family is something you can do, but
You cannot expect your partner to do this. It takes years to become independent. Growing and developing independence is a process beyond your personal performance.
I am disappointed: Disappointment and compensation for previous emotional failure is another negative reason for getting married. This syndrome is something that is easier to find in other people
We do it in ourselves. The general answer for these people is “saying no”! For example, they say: I understand what you are
You say, but getting married is of a different kind… emotional failures
There are no windows to marriage! Don’t be fooled by the small words of Mrs. and Mr. Akbar that you are late, sour, old, and… “Open your eyes before marriage and after that try to close your eyes more!” Whoever read the article, send blessings so that Lal does not die in the world!
Cards and cakes for later…
Make sure to get to know each other instead of spending time on the wedding cake! So far the behaviors
Young couples looking for wedding dresses, rings and cakes in the streets
Are you paying attention? “David Alson”, a famous psychologist, says about these behaviors, which of course are very sweet moments: “Wives spend a lot of time and money to prepare for the wedding celebration
They do, to prepare for marriage! And this is while a wedding lasts only one day, while marriage is for a lifetime.
Take a close look at these people, the time they devote to learning the basics of marriage and communication, marital and parenting skills is much less and this is a big mistake. But the point is that as much as we pay attention to these issues for a wedding night and make sure that everything goes well, we should also pay attention to the skills and preparations that we must find for a life together, from reading books. , participation in preparation courses for marriage, learning communication and conversation skills, let’s not neglect and listen to each other and take the “conversation” crisis in our country seriously.
Goodbye mother!
Usually, when people fall in love, it is because of many small and key points
It can have fundamental changes in their future life, unaware
They become For example, most of them believe that they will do their best not to use the behavioral methods of their original family in the new family. For example
They say “I won’t be like my father” or “I’m not going to have the destruction of the family I grew up in” when this thinking is completely wrong.
Psychologists say that if a family communicates in an open, comfortable and honest manner, the youth of that family will probably communicate in the same way after marriage. On the other hand, if a person’s original family is full of differences and conflicts, that person will probably use the same pattern in the marital relationship.
Therefore, if your family members are gossipers, then most likely you will continue that behavior after marriage. Of course, this does not mean that you cannot be a character
You want to be! You have the power to recognize and change what you have learned in your family, but this requires your conscious attention, personal desire and will.
Always remember that people will not be inclined to change their behavior after marriage. Especially that one of the main reasons that makes it more difficult for young couples to adapt to marriage
It is their extreme idealism. Premarital relationships are often filled with myths and fantasies, especially the belief that the spouse’s undesirable traits will change after marriage!
A person who often shows up late for appointments before marriage will usually do the same after marriage. A person who was promiscuous before marriage will be promiscuous after marriage. But his sloppiness is more obvious and problematic after marriage. Remember that marriage cannot change people, even undesirable traits may become more obvious due to more communication in marriage.
Those who are engaged should learn that marriage requires giving up some freedoms for the sake of boasting. Other couples are not those boys and girls who participated in various programs every day and programs with their friends
They used to put In addition to the fact that one should consult with the family in the way of life, the fact that some of us leave our “family” as soon as we get married is because of our personal weakness. Without our family, we are like a kite in the sky without connection to the ground. Don’t be fooled by your wife who separates you from your family and the family from you in the name of “independence”.
Why did you choose me?
Many conscious and unconscious reasons attract two people to each other. one of
The way to improve relationships is to discover these reasons. Husband and wife should know why they love each other, where they are similar and where they are different, and why they wanted to marry each other. This causes
You can not get used to the positive features of your wife and do not forget the reason for choosing your wife as a life partner. To know more about the reason for marrying your wife
You can also consider the following conditions: What was the first thing that attracted you to your wife? Were you attracted to your wife’s face and movements, or did you feel shared after talking? Did you suddenly fall in love with your spouse or did you find a strong relationship with life and experience? In what areas do you feel he is similar to you and in what areas are you different? What quality of your wife would you like to increase and which one to decrease? If you want to summarize your wife in one or more adjectives, what would you name?
are you going What are the similarities between your spouse and your parents?
I am happy that “you” are a part of my life!
Psychologists believe that romantic feelings last almost three years at their best. In fact, we should expect changes in the initial feelings of love. However, many psychologists believe that the feeling of love can be kept alive for a longer period of time. In addition, our religious teachings have taught this point that the romantic relationship should continue so that the family life reaches prosperity and development, and this is achieved with the trust and respect of the parties. but how?
Be honest and share your feelings with each other; A good relationship is based on honesty and respect. Honesty is a necessary element for a romantic relationship. As you progress in love, reveal yourself more, tell about the past and talk about your wishes and hopes. If you have a different point of view on a subject, respect the opinions with sincerity.
praise; Compliment your spouse’s abilities and look for small things. Compliment your spouse’s abilities every day, for example, “Your patience always impresses me” or “What a good cook you are.”
learn to listen; Women and men are different from each other verbally, women have more processing power in understanding, processing and listening to others, which is rooted in more nerve cells related to language processing in the left part of the brain. Whether you are a speaker or a listener, learn how to be an active listener. Look at the other person’s face and respond with verbal signs such as sighing and physical signs such as nodding.
Always say I love you; Saying these two words is not an easy task. Many people have grown up in families that do not convey the feeling of love verbally. Some of them finally do this through message or email. When you look into your partner’s eyes and say I love you, the brain releases a substance called oxytocin, which is known as the love hormone, a substance that is very effective in strengthening a romantic relationship.
Usually, when we fall in love with someone, we respect him, we are kind to him and see his bad things in detail, and we think he is very good; Then marry him
We do, but after marriage, we don’t respect him as much as before, we criticize his smallest work and magnify his small mistakes.
We think Probably because you become more aware of your partner and see them as more normal, it is harder for you to accept your partner’s annoying habits.
it is possible. But remember that happy and healthy relationships are built on kindness and generosity. Just like before marriage, try not to magnify the faults and mistakes of your spouse in your mind. Don’t constantly criticize whatever he does and don’t think that he can’t do anything alone and always needs your support.
Respect is the protection of a healthy relationship. Husbands and wives who respect each other actually care about the individual rights of a human being. These couples build the foundations of a solid life by respecting each other, both verbal and practical respect.
Be aware of these obstacles!
Attitudes and beliefs of men and women can be an obstacle to proper communication. Attitudes of people cause problems in the form of communication barriers and also do not allow husbands and wives to solve their problems. Many communication barriers, in the form of rules in people’s minds
It turns out, the rules that become the principles of life and marital relations. Be careful not to get involved in these rules:
“I am right and I don’t have to listen to your words. Don’t argue with me, I’m right and…/ Don’t expect help from me. You have to solve your problem yourself. It’s not my problem, it’s your problem!/ You should know me, why should we discuss these things?! You must be able to understand my feeling? And…/ If you are in love with me, then why should we argue about such issues? Why don’t you agree with me? And…/ If you love me, you should do these things for me. If you are not like this, then you are lying that you love me and…”
Psychologists believe that communication barriers are a sign of a woman’s and a man’s misconception about a joint life. Communication barriers are also signs of misplaced expectations. Therefore, examine your marital expectations to know the communication barriers in your marital relationship.
From a sweet dream to a bloody war
All human beings change during their life and along with these changes some aspects of their life also change. One of the things that changes during married life is the type and gender of the relationship. “Dreaming stage, fighting stage, stillness stage and vital stage” are the stages that every person faces at some point in time.
Confrontation stage: Most couples experience the confrontation stage at the beginning of their relationship, although there are many who experience this stage at a different time, such as mid-life. At this stage, both people dream about life and draw a satisfying future
they do
At this time, people see what they want in each other and are attracted by the differences.
They experience a higher level of vitality, hope and feel that they have found their life partner. At this stage, emphasis is placed on “us and our future as a couple”. At this time, you look at the positive points, even if it causes you to ignore some parts of reality.
But the fighting stage after a short period of time, couples notice
They realize that their dreams have become less colorful and their predictions have not worked properly. More feelings of despair, failure and frustration
they do The path of life has not been as smooth as they thought and they are struggling with many problems. Their differences become more prominent and each tries to influence the other to change.
They explain about each other. There is a problem with the amount of power
and ask questions like the following questions: Who should decide about what? Who should change, me or you? How should power be distributed among us? And… what is emphasized a lot at this stage is “changing the other party to your place”.
The resting stage, after you pass the militant life, the resting stage comes to you. You accept yourself, your spouse and life in general more. You pay more attention to your wife’s wishes and independence. You experience less emotions such as anger and despair, and you are more resistant to problems and you try to take a more stress-free and constructive way to solve them. You spend less time together and focus more on your personal interests, friends and work. People in this stage try to know themselves more and reach a new definition of themselves. At this stage, more emphasis is placed on the issue of “Who am I as a person?”.
But the vital stage is a stage that not all people experience. This stage occurs when the couple faces a big problem or a big change
They become A problem or a change that, if solved or applied, is beneficial to one of the couples, and one must sacrifice for the other. This stage is the time when couples freely decide for their life and their joint life. What is tested in this relationship is the type and quality of the couple’s relationship. What is emphasized at this stage is “who are we and how long will we stay together”. At this stage, people want to know how much their spouse loves them, and they consider the spouse’s reaction to be a measure of this.
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